India's Political Affairs Are Sliding To The Right

Friday, October 09, 2015 Of Minds And Mixtapes 1 Comments

Of Minds & Mixtapes

No one's to blame; it's because of our planet's axial tilt.
Bemused by the melodrama of Indian public life as politicians of all hues and enticements seem shifting more and more to the right?

Bewildered by the stupid explanations for the diabolic lynching of a 50-year old Mohammad Akhlaq in Dadri suspected to have eaten a Moo-Moo?
Wondering why one of the world's largest exporter of beef is paradoxically at peace with laws that make slaughter of cows illegal and prohibit consumption of beef in most of India? (Violation of which is accorded punishment of up to five years imprisonment. FYI: molestation and drunk driving carry lesser punishments)

Puzzled that despite New Delhi being one of the most polluted cities in the world for years now, successive governments have done very little to discourage the use diesel vehicles in the state, let alone draw up a comprehensive plan of action to improve the air quality?

Stumped by the way leaders casually blame migrants or the evil West for crimes in their states?

Baffled by the attempts to do away with net neutrality and bans on pornography, Maggi, NGOs like Greenpeace, movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and Unfreedom?

Ever get that feeling that there’s an unseen force that guides our political parties over to the dark side?

Be mystified no longer.

Scientists have debunked the theory of this unseen force. They have identified a relation between the tilt of our planet's spin axis with respect to the plane of its orbit around the sun, and the sliding of our State affairs to the Right.
Apparently the Earth leans a bit to the right. The reason why we have seasons is this axial tilt, which oscillates between 22.1 and 24.5 degrees on a 41,000-year cycle; also known as Earth's Obliquity. The Earth's Obliquity is what is responsible for our country's "Fascism Quotient".

India is a democracy, and a secular one at that, where despite differences in food clothing and shelter, every other one only wants to coexist in this harlem; and where despite someone's shenanigans in Gujarat, someone is elected PM.

But this democratic coexistence is slipping due to the Earth's axial tilt. The UN too declared that India's standing as a democracy is under threat. Joining the Old City of Jerusalem and its Walls, Chinese shadow puppetry and the Sumatran orangutan, India's democracy is now officially "endangered", according to the latest UN report.

There are around 123 democracies out of all 192 countries in the world. The UN thinks that owing to the recent conduct of political affairs in India, that number might quickly reduce to an even number. As evidence for this they have cited the Ghar Vapasi campaigns, derogatory comments by politicians towards women and minorities, the ban on Leslee Udwin's documentary and Wendy Doniger’s book, reluctance to criminalize marital rape and scrap Section 377, and Subramanian Swamy.

In reply, the supreme mantri has shunned the global organization and called for a mass book burning of all UN reports. 
George's wife, and renowned British lawyer, Amal Alamuddin reiterated that "countries can be categorized on the democracy index as full democracies, flawed democracies, hybrid regimes and authoritarian regimes..." India, she says, "is losing it's grasp on the full democracy status and moon-walking down a slippery slope."


It's all not bad news though. Scientists say this hazardous tilt that is causing our State's descent into fascism can be neutralized if everyone leaned left.

It's okay to serve fish with its head still on. The gods know that the roast pigling is.
It's also okay to want to pig out on some cow or buffalo or camel or bakri.

Alternative anything is okay: alternative energy, alternative rock, alternative comedy, alternative fashion, alternative sexuality. 
It's all gonna be okay.
Just #LeanLeft, people. 

Quick note: Most "beef" in India is not from the cow but the buffalo. (Why the noise, you ask? idk) May be beef ought to be served with skin, just like chicken is, just so we know if it's a cow or a buffalo. (Also, wouldn't it be fancy if the mantri's steak and shoes came from the same buffalo or cow? #WishfulThinking)

1 comment:

  1. I almost believed the part of the UN report :P ...George's wife, Amal Alamuddin?